Parenting Diaries is a monthly series showcasing how real people in Charlotte approach building their families & parenting. Participate.
- If you don’t have children, you can share your Child-Free experience anonymously here.
Describe your family structure.
Married with 2 kids.
How old are your kids?
9 and 7.
How much do you spend on childcare (or did you spend when you were in that phase)? What’s your childcare setup?
$20-25/hr for a sitter.
Did you always want kids?
Yes.
How did you know you were ready?
My first memory is wanting to be a mom and treating my Cabbage Patch Kids as my children. I knew I was ready when I found the right partner who shared my vision for what kind of family we wanted and what kind of parents we wanted to be. We started trying to have kids as soon as we got married at 33 and 35.
How did you decide how many kids to have + did you plan their age gap if you have multiple?
I always thought I wanted 5 kids but during my pregnancy with my 2nd child at 37 I felt deeply in my gut that I was done after this one. We did aim for them to be about 2 years apart.
How did you financially prepare for having children?
We had kids later than many of our peers (our first at 35 and 37) so we were well established in our careers and felt financially prepared though I don’t think you can fully appreciate how much money it takes to comfortably raise kids until you’re in the thick of it.
Does or did anyone in your family stay home with the kids? How did you make that decision?
When we were trying to get pregnant with our first, I made more money than my husband but we had a hard time getting pregnant because my monthly fertile window was small and I was traveling a lot for work.
- I always thought I would wait until I had a child and see how I felt about going back to work (while taking advantage of any maternity leave financially) but ultimately I decided I wanted to stop working and focus on getting pregnant and raising kids.
- My husband was supportive and agreed we would make sacrifices so I could stay home. I “retired” in June 2015 and got pregnant in September.
What’s one thing you wish you knew before having kids?
How incredibly physically hard and isolating the baby months can be. No one talked about that but after I had a hard time after both of my kids and shared my experiences openly, I got a lot of “oh my gosh, me too.”
What’s your family’s philosophy around screens/technology and kids?
Not all kids are neurologically able to but if possible, it’s best to teach kids to regulate technology (and food) on their own.
- We set age appropriate boundaries and controls for content and we have some rules like no iPads in their rooms after bedtime. But for the most part we let them decide how much and they do a good job playing outside or with crafts, Legos, other activities, etc.
- Phones and social media are different (data shows) and we won’t get our kids phones until 9th grade.
Where’s the best place to vacation with kids and why?
- Splurge: Beaches Turks & Caicos! The entertainment and kid camp are great and make it possible to have a couple’s and family vacation all in one.
- Affordable: Kure Beach, NC — A somewhat private and more quiet spot with quick access to the CB boardwalk and rides and the NC Aquarium, plus lots of times the water is turquoise with many tide pools for kids to play.
What’s the best thing about the stage of parenting you’re in? The most challenging?
I love this stage! Our kids are really cool people — fun and funny, able to have meaningful conversations, great travel partners, developing their own interests and passions…and also still young enough that they want to curl up with us on the couch and cuddle.
- The hardest part right now is walking with them through their disappointments (not making the team, not doing as well on a test, a friend being mean) and helping them learn they are resilient and can do hard things while being heartbroken for them inside.
Do you have parenting regrets?
Not asking for help from family and friends during the first 6 months when I felt like I was drowning.
Brag on yourself. Tell me about a recent proud parenting moment!
My 7 yr old daughter is a competitive dancer and after her studio closed abruptly, we joined a studio.
- They were really strict and the time commitment was very intense and she was becoming increasingly anxious and negative about dance.
- After a particularly bad incident at the studio I was ready to pull her out that night, but I wanted her to make the decision.
- After several long walks and talks, she decided she wanted to leave the studio even if it meant she couldn’t dance for the rest of the year.
- We ended up finding another studio that welcomed her with open arms and positivity.
- She just had her first competition of the season and aside from her team doing great and winning awards, the first thing she said to me was “That was so much fun!” I am so proud of how she made hard decisions and persevered.
Anything else we should know?
There is no right way to parent! Only what’s right for your family and for each child.
