In our child-free diaries, we lead with two questions: At what age did you realize you didn’t want kids? How did you make that choice?
- The responses are fascinating. I’m stunned and delighted by the clarity of these respondents—many of them at such a young age.
Here’s a sampling of their stories.
“10. I’ve never found anything about kids to be appealing. I never babysat a day in my life. I didn’t grow up around little kids, and I have never held a baby in my entire life. I always preferred stuffed animals over dolls. As I got older, I still liked pets more than kids.”
“35-ish. My wife and I just decided we wanted to have a lifestyle that made it relatively easy to travel.”
“I never was that maternal or thought ‘I want to be a mom one day,’ when that is what most other girls my age were saying, so I think there was a part of me that always knew in a way.”
“Forever. I wasn’t a fan of my parents and wanted to live on my terms.”
“Early 20s. After being around kids my entire life I could tell it wasn’t for me. The idea of a child’s love wasn’t enough to outweigh the lifestyle changes and chaos I perceived.”
“38. I was not in a relationship and I explored becoming a single mother by choice by joining the national organization. After much time, reflection and talking with other members, I decided if it happens or not, I will be just fine. I was considering, at that time, adoption over pregnancy.”
“I don’t remember ever wanting kids. I didn’t make it. It was just always true. There was never a moment where I sat down and weighed the pros and cons. I’ve known since I was old enough to understand what parenthood actually meant that it wasn’t for me. The choice was never really a choice. It was just who I am.”
“I started to think about it in my teens. Solidified in my early 20s. I realized parenting isn’t for everyone and I didn’t think I wanted to dedicate my life to raising a child. I grew up incredibly poor and once I started making my own way in the world, traveling was my #1 priority. Seeing the world allowed me to realize how much was out there for me and that I wanted to spend my adult life taking care of myself and not someone else.”
“High School, if not younger. I have never had a serious vision for myself of having children. I have truly never wanted them. Sure, people always ask ‘how many kids do you want’ and comments come up of how I’d parent my future children, but when I think about the seriousness of lifestyle changes, the financial aspect of them, and so many more reasons that I don’t want any part of it.”
“As a child, I realized early that I didn’t want to be a parent. This statement scares people into thinking I had a bad childhood. Contrary to that belief, I had a great childhood that my parents worked hard for me to have.
- My mom was a SAHM for several years and was everything from classroom parent to soccer mom to field trip volunteer to neighborhood association champion.
- Seeing first hand what it takes to give your children a great childhood, especially if you have more than one, went into my decision about not having children. I felt even more confident about my decision in my 20s.”
Participate here (anonymously): Child-Free Diaries / Parenting Diaries
